Earlier this week, I survived a vicious cicada attack. It is a gift that I am still here to be able to talk about it.
OK, fine. It wasn’t as much “vicious attack” as “being indoors and finding a live cicada on my clothing.” Potato, po-TAH-to.
Am I the only one who thinks we might be mere days from submitting to the rule of our sentient insect overlords? When we’re all put to work harvesting tree sap, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Who knows what world our vicious, six-legged masters will discover when they return to take us over.
*Perhaps I should disclose that I am neither an entomologist nor an individual who studied mathematics past high school, and I did not consult with either in the drafting of this column.